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Fighting back, fencing out,
and facing up
• September 2002 •
Query: All the kids on my bus hate me
and I hate them. I'm in the sixth grade this fall. I asked
my mom and dad to send me to a private school starting this
year, but they wouldn't. I don't want to tell them how come.
But this sucks. It's not fair.
-Fed up on Flower
Carrie: No question, the situation definitely
sucks. But there will be lots of older kids on your new bus-kids
who don't know your history-and certainly don't gossip with
measly little sixth graders. Give the upcoming change a chance.
If you still find yourself shunned and ostracized
by your peers after a few months at the new school, it will
be time to talk to your 'rents about the problem that's followed
you from one system to another. Do you have a friend or sister
or brother who has been witness to your torments? Ask this
person to corroborate your suffering when you confront your
parents with the awful truth. The testimony of two or more
has more weight than that of one alone. They'll see more quickly
that you're not simply looking for attention, or special treatment,
with "objective" eyewitnesses on hand.
It can still take a while to get from one education
system to another, particularly if a school term has just
started. If you anticipate the need for a transfer, start
your campaign in October to be enrolled somewhere else come
January.
Be an active participant in the search for a
new school. Use the internet to find possible locations within
a reasonable distance of your home. Find and earmark websites,
send away for more information, interview friends in other
schools who attend your Scout or faith-based youth meetings,
other kids on the teams for which you play, and anyone else
at all who strikes you as knowing something about what can
be had in the way of alternative education in these parts.
I hope you don't have to use the last part
of this column at all. Remember, though, that bullying is
wrong, and against school policy, and if you report it, you
may be labeled a tattletale-but since your peers have labeled
you everything else already, and you're still standing, you'll
survive this next round of censure and judgment (especially
as you'll be in the process of moving on). Don't be afraid
to use adult assistance to get the education to which you're
entitled. Good luck.
Query: I keep my yard raked and tidily
mowed through the autumn. My neighbor lets his lot go. There
are leaves in my yard, blown there from his for three months
of every year. I've tried hinting gently, but he doesn't seem
to catch on that his sloth is my burden. What else can I do?
- Raked-out on Roanoke
Carrie:If you've got a link or rail type
fence, you could hang it with tarps on the side of the yard
facing prevailing autumn winds. If you like the privacy and
the sense of enclosure, you may wish to hire a contractor
to install a fence of solid, or woven wooden palings or lathes.
If your yard has steep and woodsy terrain, you might wish
to put in dry stone walls and terraces. But whichever way
you consider it, Frost was right. Strong walls make good neighbors.
Strengthen yours and find serenity in this season of change
and reminiscence.
If nothing else, your neighbor will notice
the changes along your common boundaries, and may make a more
concerted effort to take care of his own plot.
Query: I love this girl, and she's going
to college in another state. We were "I.M."ing for
a while, but I think she took me off her buddy list. I really
want to stay connected to her. She should remember who her
friends are no matter where she goes.
- Isolated on the Internet
Carrie: Don't take this the wrong way,
but you need to get some help of the therapeutic variety.
You don't sound very connected to this girl as person-she
sounds like a collection of ideas that you've pinned together
in private and hung on her as a convenient surrogate. You
could try to spend more time with real people in real, face
time (it sounds old-fashioned, but it's cured obsessions and
infatuations for centuries-and will do for many more). Join
a team, a club, or any group of individuals meeting for a
common purpose who care enough to do it in person. You'll
be exposed to the finer points of human communication systems
in these arenas. If you're a careful observer, you'll learn
to read body language (estimated to be the single largest
interpersonal communications component by experts).
Then, when you meet girls, and even women, in
the future you'll know what they're really "saying,"
and you'll be able to separate the sheep of hook-up from the
goats of flirtation without much trouble. But first, deal
with the gal already on your plate.
Got a question?
CarrieÕs got an answer.
Send your queries to
Carrie Megginson c/o the Takoma Voice
P.O. Box 11262, Takoma
Park, MD 20913
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